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I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.   On nights like this, I held her in my arms. I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.   She loved me, sometimes I loved her. How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?   I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.    -Pablo Neruda 

Forgive me for I have sinned...

I believe I've gotten to a place that looks at Christianity religiously. The funny thing is I've often preached against allowing Christianity being a religion rather allow it to be a relationship with Christ. Yet I have even deceived myself in the process allowing my rituals and do's and don'ts to become almost phariseetical. Perhaps originally I was in pursuit of Christ but over time I've sought how I look in the church rather than how Christ looks in my life. This of course is not good.

Recently I've been enamored by a couple books that brought this to my attention the main one being The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller. (If you like a good read pick it up he also happens to be one of my favorite preachers). In this book he points out not only the sin of the Son who squandered his inheritance but he points out to who Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees and then the Oldest son wouldn't partake in the celebration of his returned brother. Frustrated that he was faithful and received no praise for this. Sadly the story ends on this note where the faithful son doesn't have a chance to make amends. (Book is much more detailed and I generalized much it).

So we have two people here those who return to Christ late in the game and those who are faithful and are expecting more. Why would any of us ask for more than salvation itself? Or refuse anyone forgiveness? Perhaps we're all waiting for that, Jesus pat on the back of Job well done. Ultimately I know I have made actions that will only return an earthly reward, but I want to be a follower in Christ despite who's watching I want to serve him in humility in order others may know his Name. Yet I believe in some way every Christian walk runs into an area of pride in their Christian service, like a look at how "Holy" I am! This must be avoided at all cost. In my case I have to be reminded of the audience in which Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees or in other words the religious, and as a follower in Jesus I must keep watch of the coldness of tradition and seek out the warmness of meeting needs.